he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were destined to go to rehab together
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
