Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
