So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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