I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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