i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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