Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
