We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
