Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
