All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
how does that bad decision feel?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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