So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize