she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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