Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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