He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
