We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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