Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize