There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
