We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize