I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
