I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
