I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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