i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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