Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
