Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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