I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
