he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
