you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
