Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize