They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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