I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
