I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
