why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
