Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
