Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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