FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
