what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
