It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
