it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the day after is always just damage control
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
