I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize