ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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