It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
