My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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