I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
