Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
