Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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