took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
