Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
