then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
