I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This baby is an asshole
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
