Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
