my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
