She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
