I am puke
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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