Dual....:-)
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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