Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
