omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
