i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
