i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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