you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The air taste purple.
Randomize
