So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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