got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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