Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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