well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
