Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
