I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
