I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
