Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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