I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
