My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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