your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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