he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
