so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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