You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
