From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
