I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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