dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We got so high we made milksteak
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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