I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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