I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
