Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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