i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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