I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
