Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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