Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize