Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
