No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
