I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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