the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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