if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
