can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
