weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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