Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
