I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
