the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
