id be glad to
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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