I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
