I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
