Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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