So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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