can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
4 words: hood of his car
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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