Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
