I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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