dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
