So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
