Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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