He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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