Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
