Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
