I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
