Don't you send me to vm
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
