literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
