nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
