chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
