what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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