I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
