I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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