Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
