i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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