I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
