I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
